i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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