Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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