The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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