So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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