he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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