hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
love makes seman taste better
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
