Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you didnt know i had herpes?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
