True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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