Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
