I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
