I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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