he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
