I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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