We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
