We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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