I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
