I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
