The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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