I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We have so much sex to catch up on
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
