i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
