So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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