At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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