its not stalking. its research.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
