Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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