On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
