i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
