the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
