She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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