I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
