alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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