in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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