Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
