she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
