I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
