After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
