one two three fourrrrnication!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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