..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
