she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
