You work out of a Hotel?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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