nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
