sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
