Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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