So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
a search helicopter?!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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