I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
