She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
