I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
