Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
