God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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