If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
