this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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