I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
These tits shall not be calmed
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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