He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
