I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
