Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
