I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
