after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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