i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
