It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need a beard to bite.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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