it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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