Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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