I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
