he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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