Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize