Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
false alarm, still single
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
