His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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