So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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