i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
