meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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