this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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