my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
