I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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