why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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