In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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