It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
